Other year of Christmas

Maybe everyone start to lead our own life,
everyone had their our Plan and stuff.
Everyone became busy...

I wasn't really bothered that I don't have plans or any event to attend to...

I thanked my bros that asked me out for party,movies and some other event,
but I'm really tired and I didn't really want to party to make myself tire out...

The weather was so cooling which make me really tired and sleepy...
Days in army were starting to get really demanding on my physical and mental strength.
I know that I'm getting stronger every single day, but I'm getting really tired at the same time. More Exhaustion that I went through and more pain was involved during training.

Time were short and yes I missed you.
I felt numb at the same time, or other words, I get used to it of you not being around me. Not because I'm tired but there were too many things on hand that I have to deal with every single day. Have faith in me...

Love Involved many things about effort and sincerely that comes from the bottom of the lover hearts.

You can make things for your loved one, you can even buy them the things they want.

Many people felt that buying things that involved money doesn't show much effort and sincerity in it. I felt that it was wrong to have that mindset, to me ,I earn my money through my blood,sweat and tears, literally and it show how difficult it was to get those money to buy stuff for your loved one. A simple cup of coffee that cost about 5 bucks, I don't know why, but I felt really good to afford that cup of coffee cause I earn it through the hardship I went through shit in my training to get the coffee. I felt really sincerity or rather great :D

Learn to appreciate the things around you, if one day you did not, probably that would be your last to do so...

Merry Christmas ! This is a punishment from Yeo bo, this is so taxing, please!

Still going, and it's growing strong.

This was supposed to be a post for you,
to tell you how awesome you have been in my life,
About how life had been so tough for me,
The moment I thought of you,
It just gave me all the strength needed to complete what I have to do.

Sorry Bo, I only have time limits on tying this post.
Sorry for the short time we spend together,
I hope you understand that I'm always looking for time to be with you.
Happy 11th!

Be strong and don't cry during your first flight, Fighting :D, I will always be there!

Go eat shit and die

Confined in Ocs for three weeks, make me miss the people around me.
No wonder they said, bond between your family, friends and your loved one became stronger.

I was no expectional.
I find that I became more tolerance than the usual me.

During one of the running occasion, I suddenly have the urge to became a elite team of soldiers, that goes to the front line first. "Commando".

Many had thought that I'm out of my mind, crazy and insane but yet I wasn't given my opportunity to share my reason behind my thoughts.

Well, it's just me.
I wanted to challenge myself to my limits.

Beyond my limits, beyond my boundaries.


A best friend,
A lover,
A hater,
A loan shark.

I defined it as you.

I miss you alot, though.
My heart sanked when you called, and sobbed on the phone.
Through the phone calling, I find myself hopeless and helpless.
Not being there for you when you needed me. Helplessly, I went through that awful commerical.

I wished I was there beside you,
hugging you tight,
Wiping those tears,
comforting you in many ways if possible,
and comfort you to sleep.

Thanks for taking my advice for going to see the dentist,
if not I will be in misery knowing that you are in pain,
but yet I couldn't do anything to relieve your pain.

You know how it feels,
it just feel awfully terrible.

I cherish, the time with you.

PS: Time is short, that why,
let's fight more as best friend,
Love one another as lovers,
Hate every stupid things we do,
and loan shark I can't think of any.

Good enough?

Love of my life

It put me back to thoughts about how I treat you.
How to be a good boyfriend?
I defined it, somehow the bad points were just so dominating over the good ones.

Love of my life, you hurt me,
You broken my heart, now you leave me.

Love of my life cant you see,
Bring it back bring it back,
Dont take it away from me,
Because you dont know what it means to me.

Love of my life dont leave me,
Youve stolen my love now desert me,

Love of my life cant you see,
Bring it back bring it back,
Dont take it away from me,
Because you dont know what it means to me.

You will remember when this is blown over,
And everythings all by the way,
When I grow older,
I will be there by your side,
To remind how I still love you
I still love you.

Hurry back hurry back,
Dont take it away from me,
Because you dont know what it means to me.

Love of my life,
Love of my life.

Sign, sigh...

If the following 9 months, the military offered me a contract to stay in, I will simply sign it.

What's wrong?
Look at the mess, will you?

Troubled soul, I see "I don't really care attitude", you wasn't in my shoes.

it was a childhood dream that came true...

Great early afternoon with a girl finding fault with me...
Haha seriously I was hoping for that when I was single and it just hit me now.
No reason just fight to your heart content.

Pushed away, that feeling just suck,
It simply hurts.
While those words struck in your mouth, you couldn't express.
Both were on fires, lets need not make it any worse.

Time is so precious make good use of it....

A rival,

A kid.


Did you know how much it hurts, but still I walk alone back home with the loaded bag.
I wondered.
The book I read, the story behind the story.
Original story hides secrets within it.

Does life really needed to be that complex?

Been busy running in circles...

Brown and white, The Ri and Ko clan.

And this is a pretty awesome piece of Gun-dam. Mobile suit :D

Like a fierce only.

And I felt that she inherit her genes in me, the whole afternoon from Saturday to Sunday, I had been sleeping. I guess I'm so bloody tired.
It feel good hanging and running around her in circles. I felt like a lost kid, while she was like a mother, bringing me around.

I was supposed to be a leader, but in the civilian world, I'm just a lost kid.

Anyway, having photo with words seems to be much more interactive. I was inspired by POETIC JUSTICE.

HELLO PEOPLE, I'm GOING TO POP this Saturday. Bitter to say goodbye to good friends, Sweet only to have those assholes and idiots out of my sight.

Bittersweet, I bear goodbye.
Remember the good times but throw away the bad times.

Please check out this two song,
The script -For the first time.
Adele- Someone like you.

Shortcoming

The things I didn't have, I tried to find ways to patch it up.
At least I know what's wrong and I choose to work it out and work to find the methods to solve it.

Knockout and the thinking brain.

P.S. I LOVE YOU.
Thanks Yeo bo.

timid.

I'm being pushed to the edges as usual,
the mind just flowing with thoughts.
There's no traffic, it just kept going.

At the edges of the road,
now my bunk seem to be my only sanctuary.
No one knows what's going on in that island.
At least I could spend sometime there quietly...

I don't understand either and it seem so stupid just to step on the mine on purpose.

Koboom!!!!
and now...

I'm simply so dead,
I'm really dead.

P.S I LOVE YOU

Thanks for searching for the book all over the place, thanks for having the thoughts.
Her little thoughts and remembering every some little detail make me feel so much for her.

I watched her walk away.

The sky turned darker and my feeling goes along with it.
Because I know the day was gonna end and tomorrow is coming.

I watched her walk up the stairs,
The sour feeling hits me so badly.

The heart felt so bad, it feels like it was soaked inside a glass of lemon juice.
That sour sour feeling, I wonder have you ever been through that kind of feeling.

I guess, Yeo bo learned to be tougher during each departure.
It made her strong, but as for me, I was totally ruined because I'm so engrossed with each meeting with her while departure makes me felt so powerless.



While this song kept in my head,
Wish you were here.

"I can be tough
I can be strong
But with you, It's not like that at all

Theres a girl who gives a shit
Behind this wall
You just walk through it


[refrain]
And I remember all those crazy thing you said
You left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

All those crazy things we did
Didn't think about it just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

[chorus]
Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Here, Here, Here
I wish you were here

Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Near, Near, Near
I wish you were here.



I love the way you are
It's who I am don't have to try hard
We always say, Say like it is
And the truth is that I really miss

All those crazy thing you said
You left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

All those crazy things we did
Didn't think about it just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

[chorus]
Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Here, Here, Here
I wish you were here

Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Near, Near, Near
I wish you were here.

[bridge]
No, I don't wanna let go
I just wanna let you know
That I never wanna let go
Let go, Oh, Oh,

No, I don't wanna let go
I just wanna let you know
That I never wanna let go
Let go, Let go, Let go...

[chorus]
Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Here, Here, Here
I wish you were here

Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Near, Near, Near
I wish you were here."

How are you ?

"As always the same old pharse, I wonder if this day will come when the message reach you, will you understand the meaning behind it?

" I miss you, so "

Perharps you were somewhere out there. Away from me, so near in the city, but we were far apart.

Though the number were still here, saved in my phone, nothing had changed.
I can't remember why were we even in this status.

But still, the number remain the same. Nothing had change.
Sadly, no one knows.

Every chapters has it own ending, but I didn't get to choose the ending."

-Didyouknow?

Well, lately I had been reading random post on blog, tumblr...
It's seem that it's not just me going through the same emotion.
I've been lazy on typing what's on my mind and I kept reposting or quoted from other people post.

Especially romances, it always brings out some bitterness.

It always has this special link.
Well, I'm emotionally affected by other people thoughts, because it just linked with the past.

Oh great, light out.

And I got to go.
I'm started to keep quiet with my thoughts, because I figure out that sharing the thoughts, would probably be a tough debate.

It will just cause more problems.

Can someone just link with me? Share my thoughts.
Out of the world, out of my mind.

Night loners...

How are you ?

Thank you Yeo Bo. :D
It's the same as the one on my picture in my desktop.

People felt that my dream was gone,
some told me to take a step back to reconsider it again.
It's about the passion, the talent, the gift that was wasted.

But my thought still love the passion,
Still have the fire in it.

This is so not me,
Low-spirit with the...

arghhhh,
Fuck it...

one day it might cracked open

She kept it all in :(
"A moment of anger,raged by those hurtful words, the ill-mannered action and the demanding behaviour. Arguing back was never an option, but to stick with original plan. I kept my silences.

"Fight for what you think was right!"
- Common people

"people fight because they are caught up with themselves and their own ego and have not learned to love unconditionally yet.

relationships offer a place to learn about love and compassion and how to nuture each others growth."
-Experts

Despite all the unpleasant emotion,
Peace and... and probably love took the lead in my heart,I clear my head off just like this.
For a moment I recalled, I wished we could both sat down and talk about it.
Regardless of how unhappy things were, regardless of how annoyed the feeling was.
But you didn't...

If one day I have to leave, I had never stop loving you, but I know you won't feel the same as what I did for you. I ain't as important as what you loved to do, your gaming, your world for comic, simply, I wasn't there.

I'm a lover but not a fighter..."



The gloomy month bring in the laziness in me.
The hasty clouds took away the lively sun, leaving me in a daze.

There were so much make things right on what was wrong,
But I couldn't get myself in doing it.
I was not able to express, I was not given it.

I find her in suffering, but I lost her key she entrusted to me.

Unbearable aching...

The aching seem to get worse tonight,
I hope someone could relieve my pain.
It's simply unpleasant.

I'm in pain, and as if there was this monstrous feeling in me wanting to yell and scream the pain out...
That urge to yell and scream my agony, it was just so unbearable tonight...

Another friend's entry post, it's about being selfless.

"A selfless personality,
I know I couldn't expect anything in return,
But at least a "Thank you".

It feel like I have to do it,
It feel like I didn't have a choice.
It make me feel so emotionless.

An order that I have to obey,
A law that I must not break.

I find myself becoming more flexible in dealing situation.
No matter what happened, Whether is it bad or good, I have to take it and deal with it. It's really about sucking it up. Sometimes, I asked myself, Do I have a choice?
No I don't, I was never given a choice but to deal with it, but to create my own options to deal with the problem I faced.
Whether am I happy or sad, seriously who really give a thought on how I actually feel.

Simply, I don't think anyone would say they give a thought for me.
I'm soft because I respect another people's thought.
But sometime it really getting my nerves when that effort was being taken for granted. And when I wanted to just blow it off, I told myself I shouldn't cause it will be unpleasant.

It start to get contradicting.

Were you the me that I used to know?

Have you ever really listen to me,
My thoughts, my feeling?
Have you ever really feel for me, really care for me, really understand what I really need?

You never did.

I felt as if there was a masking tape on my mouth whenever I see you,
Because of my thoughts for you,
because of my thoughts for not being selfish,
because of the selfless personality that doesn't want to bring you down and make you feel so low.
Even so, I know you wouldn't feel that way right?

Did you really care? Did you?
This is one of the many things I want you to know,
your solution will be ending this,
Without even learning the problem, the solution was already made.
This is what I can predict when you know the truth,
And this wasn't the outcome I wanted.

An unpleasant piece of message slip away from my locked heart.
Having hopes that it would make a difference, a good difference."

- Anonymous Plot

She's inspired me to be a better man...

Last afternoon, I was reading her blog entry, her entry about love...

"Maybe it is just me... Maybe I can't bring myself to love another because there are so many reasons not to. Maybe I am finding reason after reason to not like about somebody. Maybe I don't see beauty in the ugliest of things. Maybe.... maybe I don't know how to love. But most of all... I think I can't see how anyone can love me. I don't see how anyone can love me for me - my fleeting moments of detachment, my unpredictable mood swings and gypsy tendencies, my uncouth habits, my unperfect face, my unsatisfaction, my absurd behaviour, for my loud and asthmatic laughter, my perpetual dislike for any display of my own vulnerability, my "jack of all trades, master of none" skills, my undecided thoughts and feelings, my.... my... me. My head and heart can't settle in a place, can anyone take that? My brutal honesty followed by my softening.. can anyone take that? My silences and strange twisted thoughts.. can anyone take that? Is it not love and but instead some sort of insanity that could perhaps have hypnotized one into believing one is in love? Is it then just not meant to be for me? Questions... I have so many questions.. it just blows away with the wind because questions are just like leaves. They die and they born again. It looks new but it is all the same.. Again and again, the wind blows and trees grow old and the leaves just go and go and go..."

- POETIC JUSTICE

Her entry made me search for my soul and looking for answers to my question.
I know that I won't get my answer today, tomorrow or the day after, but at least I did asked myself about it, at least I find that comfort when I asked.

A twisted ending last night was unexpected.
I kept my silence. I don't want to make things worse. Now the word "Sorry" was used too often and it became pretty useless now.
What's causing that unpleasant fury, I really don't know. I'm pretty clueless now and the more I said, the more she get unhappy with it. I felt so wrong without knowing what's wrong.

But yet, I can't helped with it.



In life, there were so much to fear, but it forced people learned to be stronger...

It's wasn't what it seem to be...

I'm caught in the middle of a war,
I'm caught in between an open fire...

There was much to say,
and I really wanted to relate them out...

But I went on with the rehearsal by myself,
through my thoughts,
through my mind...

I saw the end result...

Knowing that it would be worse than I thought,
I decided to keep them all in again...

It's seem to be a lonely journey again,
I guess I have enough strength to overcome it...

Sometime, I just hope you would ask how was my day...
Sometime, A little concern might just make that smile out of me...

But it didn't happened that way...



"Sometimes beautiful things come into our lives out of nowhere. We can’t always understand them, but we have to trust in them. I know you want to question everything, but sometimes it pays to just have a little faith."

— Lauren Kate (via gliters-in-the-air)

Field camp

"It's gonna be tiring,
It's gonna be something that make me reflect..."

"It's hard to get people talking,
it also hard to understand what they were thinking..."

"Her world seem beautiful to have him around,
but it doesn't seem to be beautiful with me..."

"I'm not interested in fighting..."

"Rest well and don't get too worked up."

I wonder, if I can have my say,
It didn't worked out it either...

When you want to make that thought for me,
it might be too late to paint the picture now...

H.I.M...

Only if you know...

He is the limelight,
while I'm only a shadow...

the only person that is in your mind was only him...
while the only person that I'm thinking of, was only you...

While you miss him, I'm here missing you...

When you were sick, you prayed that he would care about you more...
While I'm here, being anxious about you...

Did you even notice me?
Even how much effort I put in,
the limelight won't shine on me...

Have my image ever came across your mind once?

For me,
It's about you,
As for you,
It's about him...

In the photographs we took,
I know the place where I stood,
wasn't never meant for me...

Only if you knew, that Only to me means, lonely...

Yeo bo...

Have alittle more faith...

A few days ago, I saw a person holding on to a book,
The book title was "Have a little more faith..."

I do not know what was the content of the book, but from the title,
it triggers many thoughts in me...

Oh design...

What am I supposed to look forward to ?
No trips,
What am I supposed to wait?

You can start thinking for yourself,
But I never did...

Wasn't thinking about you...

Time is short,
and there is so much to do...

So much of people I wanna meet...

The life in army do bring people apart,
but it's the heart and effort that bring the real things out...

dear, there is never a day goes by when I do not think of you,
and how empty my life would be if you were not here...

So this show how much you stand in place in my heart...

It prefer the chase, I guess it's much more exciting...

Be strong...

My weekend totally rocks with you around,
Maybe I learnt to cherish the time being around with you,
cause time is always running out and it became so precious to me when I'm with you...

I felt really awesome and i understand the feeling of having butterfly in my stomach...
Haha that's joy I guess :D

Random Thoughts;
I wish to hold your hand and travel to soomewhere far...
Enjoy the trip...

Thank you for being around with me,
And I miss you alot,Dear...

Through this, through your heart...

All I'm working for, was a smile on your face...

Sorry to look so hard when you already know where to get it...
I just wanted to give that little surprise to create that little memories between us...

But I always failed to do so...
I tried, and sorry to let you down on every single attempt...
I didnt manage to work things out...

I Felt sad, but yet I didnt have time to mend it...
I hope you understand and I want you to know...

Mentality...

In camp, the mentality is different from the civilian world...
Now, I prefer to be in the camp doing training than to face the reality here...

Reality was supposed to be real,
but it isn't here...

It's so unreal...

Army taught me to be decisive with a force on my decision that I made...
Sorry to turned back,
It's the reality I have to face...

Whatever obstacles come,
We have to learn to face it and fight against it...
Make the right choice...

It's about the mentality, it's about your thinking...

Do you mean what you say,
cause it doesn't feel like it...

I mean what I said,
Verbally and through action...

... And I'm good to go...

Enough of the guessing game...

Quotes and sentences,
was Pretty obvious...

Instinct was right...

It was never meant to be...
Just keep waiting outside the line,
I will just keep on waiting...

“If you miss me, you can’t text, you can’t email, you can’t post it on my Facebook wall. If you really miss me, you come and see me.”

Maybe I'm ain't strong,
But I can at least try to...

Training is good,
Cause it makes me too tired enough to fall asleep...

Sorry it's chinese...

人们总觉得射手座的世界很快乐，
可是呢？
射手座难过时没有人知道，他不想让别人可怜自己，射手座不坚强，可是很善良。在你难过时哄你开心，让你有依靠，分手后，他会哭者去想属于你们俩幸福的回忆，也不想爱的人因为同情而勉强和他一齐。他比谁都希望自己爱的人快乐幸福，却常常忽略了自己，全身都是伤也笑着告诉你，我很好不用担心

在所有人看到他的笑容以为他没事，却不知道失恋对射手座有多大伤害，华丽的外表下有一颗脆弱的需要别人了解和安慰的心。知道嘛？你的一点关心，心思细腻的射手座会记得你对他的好，把自己的爱毫无保留的送给你，

射手座是不被了解的，可他们不会怨谁。他们会傻傻的认为，让我承担吧，别让别人也受到伤害。所以，不要让快乐的射手座痛苦，别让他们最有魅力的笑容成为掩饰痛苦的伪装，认真爱射手座。你会知道射手座的爱，是充满泪水的

Impressed by my section mate...
It's so true... T.T

What do you believe or even trust on?

I plan my next step,
But I could only endure...

It seem to be true but I just let it continue...
That's the last thing I can do for you...

I'm aiming for that white clothing,
For that training that it's tough,
I want that focus...

get me a guitar,
I can start playing those words...

I think the plans will still go on...

I kept it a secret and,
I will go through this alone...

Stay strong with the pillar...

Cause it's not leaving you...

It's a good night...

1.I spend like hours looking for it and I still couldn't find it darn...

2.It's kinda of irritating when you ask someone about stuff and they don't give you the direct answer...

3.This Wednesday is fucked up...

4.I love running under the sun... I loved tanned skin...

5.I start to feel strong in my physical body...
Meanwhile, Half of my mental know what it is doing but the other was in a mess...

6. Confinement make me miss you more, and it make me cherish the time with you...

7.I wasn't a good boyfriend material, But I'm trying to change though...

8.I was wondering what She was thinking when she post that quotes...

9.I really wished a High ranking officer would shout at my face and SHOUTED,
" REC DOUGLAS LIM, YOU BETTER FUCKING WAKE UP YOUR BLOODY IDEA!"
Cause I think it will motivate me to push myself even more...

10. My craziest idea was to run so hard till I vomit white bubble...

Her mind is always running...

Two weeks of confinement,
How much have I wished that you have more to say to me...
But it turned out to be the other way...

I tried to be frank,
I tried to heartless,
and I tried ask you back...

Things doesn't change at all,
but yet I'm still biting on to it...

Tough personality,
Tough habits that is hard to change,
Most of it was what I dislike...

I wish things doesn't revolve with money...
It's about the feeling that I had for you...

Am I being appreciated?
I always have to go through this fucking feeling, like literally...

If caging works,
but I know it won't...

Day by day,
Everyday,
my life get better and better,
and Nothing really matters...

Aching and sorrow...

Eh,
Why do I have to deal it alone ?
Why do I still hold up to that feeling?
Till the end, Why is this happening?

Wtf?

It's non-sense...

I wasn't being honest to myself,
and the thought for you has no return...

But yet again,
I always went in...

You think for yourself,
but for me, where were those thoughts...

Don't be too nice,
Just felt manipulate,
or probably I was only a shadow...

Yourself, yourself and only yourself...

Good intention, came with non-sense outcome...
It always goes on repeating by itself...
Because there is no changes...

Dear god, please made a change...
Please made a good change...

Just take me and go...

It feels the things that I used to revolve around had just shown me that I wasn't really being appreciated...
Then the word, Understanding just came in...

I'm always being understanding,
But they dont...

That feeling was sick enough...

Understanding,
Well,
Eat shit and die,
but I still do it...

But this time,
to the right person...

I dont think anyone understand...

I made a vow,
that I shall know my limits on alcohol...

I hate that feeling of being drunk, that intensive feeling of vomiting...

I had enough...

I kept having that hope,
I should stop having that...

Your words,
Your feelings,
I had already knew it,
but why I kept falling in...
I had enough...

I guess my life was screwed up,
and I have to get them right...

I have to learn to fight back,
or simply just learn to leave things that doesn't belongs to me...

Passion, my reality...

I have deep passion for design,

Thinking of the problem,
Looking at the solutions,
Proposing...

Sketching...
I love sketching alot,
and I simply love looking at them and they make my heart beat faster...
I was simply in love with sketches, pencils, markers and things that make a sketch...

Caid was a nightmare,
But I enjoy the process,
Creating layers, surfaces and coming to the ending,
comes the rendering...
Doing animation was even the fun things that I love to do the most...

There are more that I missed...

Designing is a tiring things,
It takes alot of work,time and brain cell...
But it's my passion that I felt it's worthwhile...

The fact is,
As a designer, we might not get well-paid off...
The task that we do,
I felt that we deserve better,
but we are not...

Sad to say,
I have a family that I have to take care of,
It's the responbility, that I have to take...

Dear design, What should I do...
I love you,
But I just can't let you go...

O, please tell me how...

I guess, my temper really have it's limitations...

To be honest,
I think you have really go beyond my limit,

The sudden change of your mood,
The anger you vent on me...
Especially without reason, that really turns me off...

Even after knowing the reason,
It just doesn't make sense...

I'm came with good intentions,
But as a result, things turned bad...

I'm seriously controling my temper,
But you always want to make me burst...

I always told myself to control...
But this time,
It's going beyond my boiling point...

Doesn't match...

It is tough talking to you,
Many times, I was left breathless...

It seem stupid...

My impression wasn't good at all...

I've graduated...

The wrong outfit,
the wrong event,
the wrong people,
the wrong thinking,
the wrong emotion and simply the wrong me...

I wasn't interested in explaining much of myself today...
But what I see was,
Joke ain't funny anymore and it's simply turned me off...

I wasn't please with many things,
Probably, I didnt get much sleep last night...

What I've learnt was,
We can go out together,
But it's just me and you...

I would avoid the big group,
simply becaues, I'm tired of explaining to people, what had went wrong...
Or probably being laugh at...

It's easy to say that it was a breakup,
But many things you didn't know, that I was covering up things...

When the Mood wasn't right,
the best is to leave and don't destroy those happy little ones...
I need a timeout...

I forgot to take an emo shot...

I desire...

Tablet,
Starcraft 2...

What's worth?

I think I really tossed away those hurtful feeling,
that troubled me for those few weeks...

Feel so, relieved I guess...

Thanks Stephanie:D
talking to you is like some awesome thing, really!

Minds

Narrowed minded, Simple minded, plus Opened minded...

Totally awesome...
It's great watching couple taking care of one another...

It was the thoughtfulness, care and simply concern:D

It wasn't that bad afterall!

Took me a second

I'm going in,
three weeks is soon to come...

I will be there soon...

Thanks for teaching me about the feeling thing,
It makes me recall and remember it for life...

The reason is because of you,
that turns me off that why I didnt go...

You just spoilt the atmosphere...

Stop it,really...

The truth is, I didnt know the truth...

If I didn't met Amanda today,
I wont know how girl's perspective was...

And now that I know some things,
That when you say you want to break up without hesitating,
It's already a game over thing for me...

Afterall she was right about most of the things...

And I recalled,
Ever since that day,
you told me that you dont have feeling anymore...

What Surprise me the most was you could just say that so easily...

"That feeling of just breaking up"
"That feeling of just breaking up"

I'm utterly miserable and I'm freaking done with this...
I'm hurted seriously bad and I'm really really really felt so !!!!

Don't say sorry,
cause it won't helped...

Because of the thoughts,
that doesn't make sense to me...

It was a JOKE!
It was all about the feeling...
It was a thought that you didn't spare me at all...

I'm toyed actually...
that's kinda of sad, but ya, I was...

The truth is,
I didn't know the truth...

I feel really STUPID,
Really STUPID,
STUPID...

Can someone just call me and ask me out, if not I feel like tossing my head to the wall!!!
I need someone so badly!

I will draw it,

We can sit along with those sad song playing...
We made fun of it,
asking one another how we feel about the song...

The happy moments happened when you are around...

But when you leave,
The place just felt so empty again...

I know my nightmare will come alive one day,
When he would comes and stand beside you...

I'm not sure how well will I deal with it,
but I'm certain that it's gonna hurt me badly...

For that tears,
I stand back...

Dont keep saying the same verse,
Dont repeat it...
I got you,
I'm drawing that line,soon...

That same old dream, just doesn't make me any sleepy...

25 Days to enlistment...

All I'm trying to do now is to cherish you and make you see that I do care,
I need to rush things before there is no time left...

Hardworking tomorrow onwards, and no time to waste...
Just walk with me...

What's going on?

"Happy for others, but felt kinda pathetic for myself..."
That the quote of the day for me before I turned in today...

Ya I know it's late,
it's like 3.30 am...

Why am I doing this to myself?
Staying up late, sketching aimlessly...
it's like a routine each night...

Can't be bothered to repeat myself...
I'm still...

Puzzled and confused...

The last thing I said...

the never ending night...

How much I felt for you, and how much I express my feelings to you,
You never failed on resisting it...

I thank you for sparing me that thought, but I just didnt want to just let it go like this...
I keep saying and I keep on trying , I didnt want to let you go...

I guess maybe you will find me stubborn for not letting you go,
but the fact is I really felt that it was a misunderstanding that brought us apart...

I have to step back now, cause I know i'm making you annoyed sooner or later...

I Could only blame myself for just letting you go...

The one who start it first was the first one who left,
The one that fall at the last are the one who always gets to end it...

I'll leave it on the blog and not taking it to you...
Cant help myself about this but, Im still in love with you...

R.I.P granduncle..

Emotionally speechless...
Need a space to reflect and someone that listens...

I'm not at the right mind...
I keep sketching...
And sketching...

Perhaps

Taking things to another perspective, you will see different things...
Am I too late??







The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalms 34:18
Thank you good friend :D

its 4.42 am

I fall asleep and its a tedious task for me now...
Even my dreams, have make you appear...

The memories of you just keep flashing,
What is this... Seriously!!!
I cant sleep!!!

Help me please ,give me sleeping pill...
Ya I used to have my dream, but it vanished...
Ya it did...

Painful... Darn it hurts.... T.T

The duck that couldn't sleep...
Im sorry, but its you that Im dreaming of ...

我没有说谎...

Withdrawing too much of my ownself,
Create that boundaries,
that made me kept my silent...

In my room that was so empty,
create you as that hallucination...
Nightmares of you, was never a doubt...
That caught me awake till the sun arise...

When I woke up,
the nightmare never stop...

It's seem to be a routine,
so much pain,
so much sorrow,
and so much of you...

I'm living breathless,
I'm living or am I not ??

Back and bad..

Why is this even happening?

i watch over the night...

Just go sleep bah,
Because I know I couldnt...

it's tough

That moment when I approach my bed, I sense it coming so badly...
What a night...
What a terrible night...

I took another route...

Maybe, the way to overcome it was to face it all...
I think, I learnt something about this...
That is to face it,

Though it's harsh and hurtful,
Which left me breathless,
I still need to pick myself up and learn...

I'm not saying that I'm perfectly fine right now,
But I'm just taking things in another way...

I dont wanna behave like a kid,
or being childish...

I'm not sure how it will work out,
But it feels better for me...


"Slow withdrawing, probably make its better..."

Maroon 5

I never knew perfection til
I heard you speak, and now it kills me
Just to hear you say the simple things
Now waking up is hard to do
And sleeping is impossible too
Everything is reminding me of you
What can I do?

It's not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we're better off this way?
I'm not fine, I'm in pain
It's harder everyday
Maybe we're better off this way?
It's better that we break¦

A fool to let you slip away
I chase you just to hear you say
You're scared and that you think that I'm insane

The city look so nice from here
Pity I can't see it clearly
While you're standing there, it disappears
It disappears

It's not right, not OK
Say the word it should say

Maybe we're better off this way?
I'm not fine, I'm in pain
It's harder everyday
Maybe we're better off this way?
It's better that we break

So you sitting all alone
You're fragile and you're cold, but that's all right
Life these days is getting rough
They've knocked you down and beat you up
But it's just a rollercoaster anyway, yeah

It's not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we're better off this way?
I'm not fine, I'm in pain
It's harder everyday
Maybe we're better off this way?

I'm not fine, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we're better off this way?

I'm not fine, I'm in pain
It's harder everyday
Maybe we're better off this way?
It's better that we break, baby



To that new close friend:
I'm sorry that I didn't told you about this,
But the fact is I didn't get a chance to even talk about this...
It just wasnt the right time...
And I'm sorry...

Hiding feeling, is it enough?


Oversea study admission is super complicated...

Korea,
Taiwan,
USA,
London,
India...

And it's challenging...

Btw prayer works...:D

Caught in the middle...

Another one month to endure,
I'm struck in nowhere...

Everyday, is like a misery...
Sit down, and I recall the flashback...
Sleep, and it about the nightmare...

I lose interest in what I do now...
I feel like a retarder,
I'm feeling restless...

Where is the restart button??

I'm in nowhere...
Where to go?

I cant put my mind right,
I feel stupid literally...

What I am doing?

It just keep running down...

Can't control the tear...
I lose the control...

It's describe well...

翻著我們的照片 想念若隱若現
Flipping through our photographs, thoughts of [you] are visible yet invisible

去年的冬天 我們笑得很甜
Last year's winter, we laughed very sweetly

看著妳哭泣的臉, 對著我說再見
Watching your tearstained face, telling me goodbye

來不及聽見　妳已走得很遠
[I] have yet to hear it when you've already walked so far

也許妳已經放棄我　也許已經很難回頭
Perhaps you have already given up on me, perhaps it is already very difficult to turn back

我知道是自己錯過　請再給我一個理由說妳不愛我
I know it's all my fault, please give me another reason, say you don't love me



就算是我不懂　能不能原諒我
Even if I don't understand, can [you] forgive me?

請不要把分手當作妳的請求
Please don't use parting (breakup) as your request

我知道堅持要走 是妳受傷的藉口
I know wanting to go is your wound's excuse

請妳回頭　我會陪妳一直走到最後
[Can] you please turn back, I will accompany you until the very end



就算沒有結果　我也能夠承受
Even if there is no conclusion, I can still endure

我知道妳的痛　是我給的承諾
I know your pain is the promise I gave

妳說給過我縱容　沉默是因為包容
You said [you] gave me tolerance, and silence was because of acceptance

如果要走　請妳記得我　如果難過　請妳忘了我
If [you] want to go, please remember me, if [you] feel sad, please forget me

I guess the prayer last night was good,
Although, it kinda of tough getting to sleep,
I seem to be protected somehow...

I fear to fall asleep,
Cause I'm scared of my dreams...

201 post the breaking...

Well, I guess it all over...
Ya...
There is no doubt, we broke off yesterday...
It's seem to be a hard one...

But I want it to be written down on this blog for my memories and also I'm writing it to you...

Everytime I talk about the future,
She always seem uncertain...
She always get to walk away from that conversation that we have...

The reason why she wanted to break:
It's about me going Oversea to study...
It's about I'm being poor...
And her desire of freedom...

Deep down in me,
I'm waiting for the real answer...
Cause, I dont know which to believe in...
or probably every single key were the reason...

I'm not sure though,
But I'm pretty screwed up right now...

When you told me you want to end this relationship,
it break me apart...

Because I wanted to go oversea and study,
And I guess you lost faith in me...

Eventually, my thought was,

"This could be just one obstacle that most of the couple will face,
Why can't we face it together and move on with it...
We can plan for the future..."

It seem that you wasn't really interested about it...
The next thing you say,

"Ya, it's ok we can don't break up,
we can still be together,
But I will never put any feeling for you anymore..."

Every single time, when this flashback in my mind,
I feel like the worst loser in my life,
It just hurt me so much...
To reassure it once again,

This is the most hurtful part...

I'm sorry, I'm poor...
I'm sorry that I couldn't afford many things for you,
I cant buy you nice clothes,
you couldn't wear you favourite heels,
cause I'm short...

You can't get to eat the food that you like...
Sorry for being poor...

About the freedom part,
I have nothing much to say...

Till the very end of this relationship,
I never blame you,
But I just want to know the truth...
You give me up,
While I'm trying so hard to work things out with you...

I initiate this break up,
because,
I guess, you really deserve better...
Probably holding you back might just make you more miserable...

Or in fact, it's already a misery for you...
I'm sorry but I still have that strong feeling, that I'm trying to stop it...
Sorry for making you so miserable for all this time...

To you, and only you...
Whenever I told you that I love you,
I truly mean it from my bottom of my heart...

And even though we break off,
I pray with all my heart,
that you will meet someone better off than me...
I was never good enough for you...
Never a good person after all...

If you even find that someone,
Do love him and dont create that barrier...
Don't push his hand away, when he tried to hold your hand tight...
And if he does hug you,
Do whisper to his ear that you love him...

I wish that you'll be good for now...

Till the very end of this,
there is many things,
that I still do not know...

I guess, it's up to that someone to carry on...

Sorry for the harsh words that I used on you,
Cause I can't control my emotion...
I hope I could be that best boyfriend in your life...

And once again,
for the very last time I would say,

To Sin mei,
I love you dearly,
It's hard for me to say this...

"But I guess, I have to let you go for now,
and I have to move on now..."

-Douglas

It's tough...

It tough to hold back the tears,
because you give me up like this...

It just keep flowing down...

I'm ending her misery tonight for being with me...

I'm sad, but i'm counting down...
I am...

I'm seriously going crazy!

I dont know who to talk to,
I dont know how and dont know what to do !

Oh please, dont treat me like this!

I'm ain't high about this...

I guess that the end of it...

Now it's seem tough to go back to where we used to be,
I'm having difficulty in breaking that barrier,
Because I kept thinking for you,
But you just made things difficult for me...

It's good for you, now that I see...
Goodbye...

I sense that a part of me were changing...
It seem that I starting to be quite quiet recently as I started to observe the people behaviour around me...

Each year had passed,
and my words are getting lesser...

I'm going in for my national service on 9 June...
I'm ready for it I guess...

About the future,
I just want to fly off,
and grow up, out there...
see the world and many things should happened...

But I'm uncertain for many stuff...

We differ...

It's getting tougher to stay on like this...
My heart starts to make me feel rather bitter...
Being understanding,
Just make you overwhelming...

When I'm feeling down, I want someone to listen to me...
I want that piece of thoughts out...
but it does not make any difference even with you around...
It just feel worse for me...

It's tiring to handle it alone,
But sharing with you, doesn't make any much difference
the problem was never solved...

Like what my friend have told me,
their character are just like mother board,
connected to the wrong chip...

it's integrated and it's hard to change it...
I'm sorry but you just make me feel rather helpless...
This is not I wanted...

I hope you can be understanding,
But many times,
you just hurt me so much ,
when the things i wanted to say,
you just shut me out...

I failed to be true to myself and I always let things passed on...
I guess now it piles up like a mountain,

Haha, I laughed,
Just so much to say,
But with the wrong person,
that's show me that unwillingness to listen...






I need a break soon...

Are you really there for me?

I felt rather discourage...

From the way,
How my family start asking me why am I always busy...
Friends start to getting tired of asking me out,
when my answer always turned out to be," I'm busy"...

That feeling of " Haiz!"

They just don't...

Regret? It's more than that...

When I saw those pictures of them, together
I never fail to feel that feeling of being so "WRONG"...

I kept that feeling,
But deep in me,
I want to say I was wrong...

Afterall,
You never know how much it hurts since you have lefted...

I guess we are splitting up,
It just doesn't feel strong anymore...

I felt that we all have grown up...
I dont know how to put it...

Can I rest!?

I guess I have reach my limitation...
I need a break, I want to sleep, I want to sleep...

I want HOME COOKED FOOD!
I WANT TO BE RECHARGED!

The fact is,
What I'm facing now...
Was lacking of that kind of patiences...

Replay

It's just like replaying the same old song...

Removing things...

Just feel that life would be easier if,
you could put yourself in my shoes...

Why do you have to ask why when people ask you a yes or no question?
It doesn't make any sense...

Now I know how he feels, sometimes...

Like sometimes...

Life could be better...

I'm just so tired of bullshits...
And I'm freaking annoy...

I guess you don't...

Today was a bad day,
From the start and even till the very end...
I thought the close of today might be a little relaxing,
But you simply kill it...

Dont throw tantrum,
Cause I'm really tired after a long day,
Don't just say it's you...

I don't ask much from you,
That's my resolution...
What I seek was comfort,
But you gave me insensitive behaviour...

It's pretty upset today,
But it's gonna be another bad day tomorrow...
Pretty bad...
Well, I learnt to face it...

Cheers, amingo...

So much of me asking for understanding,
But the one that is not understanding,
Was me...

I want to go holiday with strangers:D
Weird people are interesting...

I desire, I hope, And I happily dream...

Sometimes, In my mind,
I always wanted this to be fun and so carefree...
I have phobia that I want to overcome,
I dream and I want to make it real...
I Hate how it feels right now...
As the reality just hit me and slap me so badly...
That I feel like, tossing this piece of thought away...

I want to write an song,
But the guitar string just doesn't work...

I wish you were here to tell me how...
I wish I could still call you...
I wish I could let myself go...

"We just keep falling back to where we are...
Why aren't we smiling when the sun was there..."

Till the end...:D

Have you ever thought of...

Tired of being accused...
Just so tired of explaining how difficult my life is...

Just tired of it...
I give up explaining...

Repeat and repeat...

I need to stay awake...

I have to blog in order to keep myself awake now...
My head is killing me...
and people voice just made me feel irritated because of this headache...
I'm drinking white coffee to keep myself awake tonight...
I have to finish my Pboard by tonight...

Gosh,
I'm slacking...
And Gosh, I'm feeling weird...

Anyway, I felt rather guilty this week...
Good and bad,
for many things i have done...
and the way how people treats me now...

Like so different,
or maybe it's the same...

I kept them in,
Maybe they are feeling stress...

After being in school for like three years,
I somehow came to realise the cruelty or in fact reality of this world...

Have you ever thought of this question,
Are you in a friendship or are you simply being used by your so called "FRIENDS" who used to be closed to you?

Now I came to realise,
Or rather I woke up,
realising that I had been used by my "FRIENDS"...
I had been used...

I'm really pathetic...
Pathetic...

While some stood by me,
I appreciate that alot...

I remember and when your time come,
I will stood by you guys too...

I felt that I learnt something from this Fyp,
Was never to say give up that easily,
How imperfect your design is,
there was never prefect design in these world afterall...

Ya, the reality still hits me hard,
But at least I'm glad, all by myself...

Thinking about how a close friend start to make a wide distance away from you...
How does it feel?
Utterly awful...
Recently, it just keep happening...
I'm feeling kind of lazy of pulling the wide distance closer...

Maybe, I shouldn't have asked...
When I want to know the truth,
I was hoping that you will be true to yourself...
Maybe it's easier to let yourself go...

But I was wrong,
Maybe at the starting I shouldn't have think so much,

I've been through all this shit,
that I dont want you to get any of them,
But I just can't stop how that feeling going through you now...
Cause no one can...

Now,I end up hurting you inside and out...
Only god knows,How much I hate this situation now,
But I hope time heals you...

Busy liao...! BYEBYE!

Open and close...

Still not over yet,
Still need to do work...

But stress free:D

Anyway day by day, many things happened,
we just need to face each day with a better and positive mood...

But well, it does not seem like it,
When you feel good, somehow it will be spoilt by other people...

And in the reality now,
I'm in a mood of in between happy and angry...

Sometime, people do things that just pissed me off...
Can't stand it...

I just keep myself down,
so I won't blown off in front of anyone...

I'm just too tired of this nonsense,
How much do I need to explain,
then it will get through your head...

Fighting won't solve,
But I just kept on praying...

STOP MY ANGER!



Just a random picture...
I felt it chio:D

Undergoing

I'm undergoing a series of thoughts about what happens now and what happens in the future...
I'm quite sure no one will understand how I feel right now...
Cause I'm too tired to share this piece of thoughts...

Being open about your thoughts doesn't mind that people will understand you...
I'm now in the position of waiting I guess...

If you say goodbye,
The one who get hurt will be the both of us...
At least I know you wont be as affected as me...
I do wish that everything will be good for you...

I'm FREAKING TIRED, and the thoughts just ran through my mind,
What I expect from this whole thing wasn't what I want,
It was the unwanted...

What matters?

I just keep mumbling inside my heart...
I'm mumbling...

I need a guide book...
I need your guide book...
Ohh, guide book...

I think I sniff too much paint,
My nose hurts to the extreme now...

I never want it to end it...Neither do i want it to happen...

Maybe It's broken...
This week people relationship breaks apart...
Maybe it hard for you guys,
But it's painful for me to see them quarreling...
It's even harder to accept that we might choose to go out separate way...

Sometime, I just wish I have the control to stop it...

Hope you are better off...
I tried, but i failed to make it better...
Now it's seem to be like a jerk...
Probably someday when you woke up, I hope you realised it...
sometimes, it's really true to be friends that being couples...
cause it's never easy maintaining it...

How much longer?
Sometimes, The lock does not open ...
Deep down in you, the thoughts that run through,
it's too far away from what I can reach for...
Probably time would let me find that key to unlock it...

But when the time comes,
Where will I be?

It's about you...

I mark the starting,
and he'll mark our ending...

We were getting closer each day,
But,
I know we will leave each other soon enough...

I hold you close but,
You are running away...

I'm losing myself,
I'm tired,
and gradually I'm losing you...

Maybe it's too late...

Sometimes, I'm struck by thinking of what you told me,
What you say...
Your body language...

I'm ______ to fall deep now,
And I'm pushing myself back...
if one day you ______,
At least it won't be that ______ to me...

Maybe it's the starting but it seem to be alittle abnormal...

I became even empty when I listen to Click Five" Empty"...

These lyrics, just bring a message...

Tried to take a picture
Of love
Didn't think I'd miss her
That much
I want to fill this new frame
But its empty

Tried to write a letter
In ink
Its been getting better
I think
I got a piece of paper
But its empty
Its empty

Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing
Is beating our hearts
We're empty

And I've even wondered
If we
Should be getting under
These sheets
We could lie in this bed
But its empty
Its empty

Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing
Is beating our hearts

It takes two...
Not one...

the strong feeling ...

after 21 days is over ,
I'm getting myself a sketchbook and write every single down...
it's secret!

What I see now,
is all plenty part of your bullshit...

I hate this and i shall stop lying to myself...

I'm a giver...

the person who give and didnt get anything back...

I did my part...
tough, and tiring...

Wait for me...

I know it's abit no life,
But it's the final push to mark my ending...
Sorry for being no life,
sorry for keep saying," I'm busy"...

I love you, guys...
I just need a little more time to finish this to reach the holidays...

I will keep you accompany...
Not now, but soon...