Wednesday, May 4, 2011

201 post the breaking...

Well, I guess it all over...
Ya...
There is no doubt, we broke off yesterday...
It's seem to be a hard one...

But I want it to be written down on this blog for my memories and also I'm writing it to you...

Everytime I talk about the future,
She always seem uncertain...
She always get to walk away from that conversation that we have...

The reason why she wanted to break:
It's about me going Oversea to study...
It's about I'm being poor...
And her desire of freedom...

Deep down in me,
I'm waiting for the real answer...
Cause, I dont know which to believe in...
or probably every single key were the reason...

I'm not sure though,
But I'm pretty screwed up right now...

When you told me you want to end this relationship,
it break me apart...

Because I wanted to go oversea and study,
And I guess you lost faith in me...

Eventually, my thought was,

"This could be just one obstacle that most of the couple will face,
Why can't we face it together and move on with it...
We can plan for the future..."

It seem that you wasn't really interested about it...
The next thing you say,

"Ya, it's ok we can don't break up,
we can still be together,
But I will never put any feeling for you anymore..."

Every single time, when this flashback in my mind,
I feel like the worst loser in my life,
It just hurt me so much...
To reassure it once again,

This is the most hurtful part...

I'm sorry, I'm poor...
I'm sorry that I couldn't afford many things for you,
I cant buy you nice clothes,
you couldn't wear you favourite heels,
cause I'm short...

You can't get to eat the food that you like...
Sorry for being poor...

About the freedom part,
I have nothing much to say...

Till the very end of this relationship,
I never blame you,
But I just want to know the truth...
You give me up,
While I'm trying so hard to work things out with you...

I initiate this break up,
because,
I guess, you really deserve better...
Probably holding you back might just make you more miserable...

Or in fact, it's already a misery for you...
I'm sorry but I still have that strong feeling, that I'm trying to stop it...
Sorry for making you so miserable for all this time...

To you, and only you...
Whenever I told you that I love you,
I truly mean it from my bottom of my heart...

And even though we break off,
I pray with all my heart,
that you will meet someone better off than me...
I was never good enough for you...
Never a good person after all...

If you even find that someone,
Do love him and dont create that barrier...
Don't push his hand away, when he tried to hold your hand tight...
And if he does hug you,
Do whisper to his ear that you love him...

I wish that you'll be good for now...

Till the very end of this,
there is many things,
that I still do not know...

I guess, it's up to that someone to carry on...

Sorry for the harsh words that I used on you,
Cause I can't control my emotion...
I hope I could be that best boyfriend in your life...

And once again,
for the very last time I would say,

To Sin mei,
I love you dearly,
It's hard for me to say this...

"But I guess, I have to let you go for now,
and I have to move on now..."

-Douglas

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