She's inspired me to be a better man...

Last afternoon, I was reading her blog entry, her entry about love...

"Maybe it is just me... Maybe I can't bring myself to love another because there are so many reasons not to. Maybe I am finding reason after reason to not like about somebody. Maybe I don't see beauty in the ugliest of things. Maybe.... maybe I don't know how to love. But most of all... I think I can't see how anyone can love me. I don't see how anyone can love me for me - my fleeting moments of detachment, my unpredictable mood swings and gypsy tendencies, my uncouth habits, my unperfect face, my unsatisfaction, my absurd behaviour, for my loud and asthmatic laughter, my perpetual dislike for any display of my own vulnerability, my "jack of all trades, master of none" skills, my undecided thoughts and feelings, my.... my... me. My head and heart can't settle in a place, can anyone take that? My brutal honesty followed by my softening.. can anyone take that? My silences and strange twisted thoughts.. can anyone take that? Is it not love and but instead some sort of insanity that could perhaps have hypnotized one into believing one is in love? Is it then just not meant to be for me? Questions... I have so many questions.. it just blows away with the wind because questions are just like leaves. They die and they born again. It looks new but it is all the same.. Again and again, the wind blows and trees grow old and the leaves just go and go and go..."

- POETIC JUSTICE

Her entry made me search for my soul and looking for answers to my question.
I know that I won't get my answer today, tomorrow or the day after, but at least I did asked myself about it, at least I find that comfort when I asked.

A twisted ending last night was unexpected.
I kept my silence. I don't want to make things worse. Now the word "Sorry" was used too often and it became pretty useless now.
What's causing that unpleasant fury, I really don't know. I'm pretty clueless now and the more I said, the more she get unhappy with it. I felt so wrong without knowing what's wrong.

But yet, I can't helped with it.



In life, there were so much to fear, but it forced people learned to be stronger...