This is so not me,
Low-spirit with the...

arghhhh,
Fuck it...

one day it might cracked open

She kept it all in :(
"A moment of anger,raged by those hurtful words, the ill-mannered action and the demanding behaviour. Arguing back was never an option, but to stick with original plan. I kept my silences.

"Fight for what you think was right!"
- Common people

"people fight because they are caught up with themselves and their own ego and have not learned to love unconditionally yet.

relationships offer a place to learn about love and compassion and how to nuture each others growth."
-Experts

Despite all the unpleasant emotion,
Peace and... and probably love took the lead in my heart,I clear my head off just like this.
For a moment I recalled, I wished we could both sat down and talk about it.
Regardless of how unhappy things were, regardless of how annoyed the feeling was.
But you didn't...

If one day I have to leave, I had never stop loving you, but I know you won't feel the same as what I did for you. I ain't as important as what you loved to do, your gaming, your world for comic, simply, I wasn't there.

I'm a lover but not a fighter..."



The gloomy month bring in the laziness in me.
The hasty clouds took away the lively sun, leaving me in a daze.

There were so much make things right on what was wrong,
But I couldn't get myself in doing it.
I was not able to express, I was not given it.

I find her in suffering, but I lost her key she entrusted to me.

Unbearable aching...

The aching seem to get worse tonight,
I hope someone could relieve my pain.
It's simply unpleasant.

I'm in pain, and as if there was this monstrous feeling in me wanting to yell and scream the pain out...
That urge to yell and scream my agony, it was just so unbearable tonight...

Another friend's entry post, it's about being selfless.

"A selfless personality,
I know I couldn't expect anything in return,
But at least a "Thank you".

It feel like I have to do it,
It feel like I didn't have a choice.
It make me feel so emotionless.

An order that I have to obey,
A law that I must not break.

I find myself becoming more flexible in dealing situation.
No matter what happened, Whether is it bad or good, I have to take it and deal with it. It's really about sucking it up. Sometimes, I asked myself, Do I have a choice?
No I don't, I was never given a choice but to deal with it, but to create my own options to deal with the problem I faced.
Whether am I happy or sad, seriously who really give a thought on how I actually feel.

Simply, I don't think anyone would say they give a thought for me.
I'm soft because I respect another people's thought.
But sometime it really getting my nerves when that effort was being taken for granted. And when I wanted to just blow it off, I told myself I shouldn't cause it will be unpleasant.

It start to get contradicting.

Were you the me that I used to know?

Have you ever really listen to me,
My thoughts, my feeling?
Have you ever really feel for me, really care for me, really understand what I really need?

You never did.

I felt as if there was a masking tape on my mouth whenever I see you,
Because of my thoughts for you,
because of my thoughts for not being selfish,
because of the selfless personality that doesn't want to bring you down and make you feel so low.
Even so, I know you wouldn't feel that way right?

Did you really care? Did you?
This is one of the many things I want you to know,
your solution will be ending this,
Without even learning the problem, the solution was already made.
This is what I can predict when you know the truth,
And this wasn't the outcome I wanted.

An unpleasant piece of message slip away from my locked heart.
Having hopes that it would make a difference, a good difference."

- Anonymous Plot

She's inspired me to be a better man...

Last afternoon, I was reading her blog entry, her entry about love...

"Maybe it is just me... Maybe I can't bring myself to love another because there are so many reasons not to. Maybe I am finding reason after reason to not like about somebody. Maybe I don't see beauty in the ugliest of things. Maybe.... maybe I don't know how to love. But most of all... I think I can't see how anyone can love me. I don't see how anyone can love me for me - my fleeting moments of detachment, my unpredictable mood swings and gypsy tendencies, my uncouth habits, my unperfect face, my unsatisfaction, my absurd behaviour, for my loud and asthmatic laughter, my perpetual dislike for any display of my own vulnerability, my "jack of all trades, master of none" skills, my undecided thoughts and feelings, my.... my... me. My head and heart can't settle in a place, can anyone take that? My brutal honesty followed by my softening.. can anyone take that? My silences and strange twisted thoughts.. can anyone take that? Is it not love and but instead some sort of insanity that could perhaps have hypnotized one into believing one is in love? Is it then just not meant to be for me? Questions... I have so many questions.. it just blows away with the wind because questions are just like leaves. They die and they born again. It looks new but it is all the same.. Again and again, the wind blows and trees grow old and the leaves just go and go and go..."

- POETIC JUSTICE

Her entry made me search for my soul and looking for answers to my question.
I know that I won't get my answer today, tomorrow or the day after, but at least I did asked myself about it, at least I find that comfort when I asked.

A twisted ending last night was unexpected.
I kept my silence. I don't want to make things worse. Now the word "Sorry" was used too often and it became pretty useless now.
What's causing that unpleasant fury, I really don't know. I'm pretty clueless now and the more I said, the more she get unhappy with it. I felt so wrong without knowing what's wrong.

But yet, I can't helped with it.



In life, there were so much to fear, but it forced people learned to be stronger...

It's wasn't what it seem to be...

I'm caught in the middle of a war,
I'm caught in between an open fire...

There was much to say,
and I really wanted to relate them out...

But I went on with the rehearsal by myself,
through my thoughts,
through my mind...

I saw the end result...

Knowing that it would be worse than I thought,
I decided to keep them all in again...

It's seem to be a lonely journey again,
I guess I have enough strength to overcome it...

Sometime, I just hope you would ask how was my day...
Sometime, A little concern might just make that smile out of me...

But it didn't happened that way...



"Sometimes beautiful things come into our lives out of nowhere. We can’t always understand them, but we have to trust in them. I know you want to question everything, but sometimes it pays to just have a little faith."

— Lauren Kate (via gliters-in-the-air)

Field camp

"It's gonna be tiring,
It's gonna be something that make me reflect..."

"It's hard to get people talking,
it also hard to understand what they were thinking..."

"Her world seem beautiful to have him around,
but it doesn't seem to be beautiful with me..."

"I'm not interested in fighting..."

"Rest well and don't get too worked up."

I wonder, if I can have my say,
It didn't worked out it either...

When you want to make that thought for me,
it might be too late to paint the picture now...

H.I.M...

Only if you know...

He is the limelight,
while I'm only a shadow...

the only person that is in your mind was only him...
while the only person that I'm thinking of, was only you...

While you miss him, I'm here missing you...

When you were sick, you prayed that he would care about you more...
While I'm here, being anxious about you...

Did you even notice me?
Even how much effort I put in,
the limelight won't shine on me...

Have my image ever came across your mind once?

For me,
It's about you,
As for you,
It's about him...

In the photographs we took,
I know the place where I stood,
wasn't never meant for me...

Only if you knew, that Only to me means, lonely...

Yeo bo...

Have alittle more faith...

A few days ago, I saw a person holding on to a book,
The book title was "Have a little more faith..."

I do not know what was the content of the book, but from the title,
it triggers many thoughts in me...

Oh design...