Thursday, March 7, 2013

One year of disconnection

I would like to talk about a year of disconnection and it could ruined a three years friendship. 
That is how damaging and deadly it is.
I have friends who used to be very closed to me and now we became complete strangers. 
Well, I'm not surprised but I feel rather disappointed.
When we meet up, we hardly had anything much to say.
I asked myself this funny question, is it because both of us are attached and in the presence of our partners, it seem that we both have this invisible barrier that pretend us from having a simple conversation?

Their blog was closed and probably they might had shifted to use tumblr in expressing their thoughts. I feel disconnected but there is nothing much that I could do. So I guess I had been officially shut off from her world.

Such a pity.

Other thing that I came to realised was that the person you used to love, you didn't really get close to her even after  you have given up on her. The funny fact is that you get closer to her friend instead. Weird.

Anyway, adulthood just tied me down with more responsibilities and with the army officer's rank on my chest, everyone is treating me differently. Most of it were rather bad. Hahaha, anyway I just took their comments and take it as pointers in improving myself. 

After I became an army officer, most of friends have more expectation on me, more hostile and direct towards me. It made me speechless and sometimes, I wished I could have the courage to just stop them from going further.

I guess they have no clues about what I am doing.

Apparently, sometimes at a certain point, we were so fixated by the things ahead of us, and we simply forgot about the reasons why we were doing it at the first place. My point here is to learn to check back and don't be so fixated with the things ahead of us. Take time to process it and you will have a better learning journey in pursuing whatever is ahead of you.  
   

Monday, May 7, 2012

Over due one month ago...

Now I'm sitting down on my bed, using my brother's laptop to blog about this stupid relationship...
My relationship was so screwed up, that I decided to seal myself off with the world for a month maybe more...
I'm still not sure how long will it take but I guess, it's gonna take quite sometime, a really long period...

I'm utterly sad about this breakup but I guess there's nothing left for me to fight for it...

Part of the breakfall in my relationship was a simple test that I had plotted to test you.
Eventually, the result was kinda of expected but yet I was still hoping that there will be a change in the result.

I initiated a break up with you and wanted to see you reaction.
The result was, well in fact, dissappointing,
first you wanted the relationship back but gradually, you just let it go without a fight...
How I wished you could bug me a little longer...

The Ugly truth,
A simple test,
Not much resistance,
Pufffff...
It was all long gone...

I felt that I was not worth for you to fight for me...
Not a single bit to you...
You may cry and said you love me, but I guess it's compaionship that you were looking for...
Comfort, protection...
I felt pathetic, utterly sad and I simply have no rooms to express myself with...
No one was there and I was like a living dead...
It's seem unfair, really unfair...

How I fought for you and how you fought for me,
It really hit hard on me everytime I think about it...

Many will find this it's stupid to test...
But you ain't in my shoes...
I give what you need.

My instinct was already predicting that there was someone else in the picture...
Well, It's slapped me hard yet again...

Before betrayal steps in,
I stepped out it...

My mind keep repeating this same verse again and again...
When you go, would you even turn to say
"I still love you"?

But the answer you gave was,
"I don't love you like I did yesterday"

Dont feel pressurized,
cause I know how you actually feel,
if things can't worked out,
It's my fault to test your faith...
I guess I don't really worth your time and effort.
You were strong...
And I'm sorry...

Goodbye Yeobo...
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My aching heart...
While my heart keep cutting itself,
Memories were like nightmare each night...
They hunt me to sleep...
As my tears will keep on running,
The pain have never stopped...
Till the daylight shined,
I cried asleep...

It's definitely hard to swallow my own tears ...
But it's been worthwhile and yet again I was presented wortheless, unvalued.

Dear God, it's painful me now,
I wished you could send someone over to help me out now...
Guess I have to do it alone..

It's over... 9.27pm
Dead...

Monday, April 2, 2012

Was it intended...??

Pillow talk , indeed was interesting...
It made me realise that when the things that you used to have disappear,
you will then tend to cherish it...
When you lose it, you miss it, and you want it back...
delibrately, i lose it...
getting back, filled with different kind of emotion involved
grow stronger, be immune to this feeling...

we could simply lie on the pillow, looking at each other and start talking




but it will never happened that way....

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Ukulele

I need an ukulele and start to learn how to play it.

Oh well, it's kinda of suck to feel like this.
If you choose not to talk, I can't do anything either.
Cause I played my part and I don't know what you were thinking.
If avoiding makes you feel better, then I'm truly sorry, cause I don't like to play "mind game" either.

I start to get paranoid about Your "Friend" and whatsoever...
Indeed of their influences.

Hope "July" will come really soon so I could recourse and get back my training back asap.

I kinda of stuck here with nothing to look forward to.


Monday, March 5, 2012

Iron face

I guess, it was easy to forget the past for you than to dwell within it...
I was really impressed and maybe my instinct was right afterall...
Blocked and I understand...

Goodbye, Iron lady...

Monday, February 27, 2012

Non-stop

Still staring...

I closed the chapter.

In the last chapter, I stared at the post for quite sometime.
And certainly, it's not just a post that could just explain the thoughts and the reason behind.

It's not easy explaining.
So I kept staring at it.


Once more into the fray...
Into the last good fight I'll ever know...
Live or die on this day...
Live or die on this day...