One year of disconnection

I would like to talk about a year of disconnection and it could ruined a three years friendship. 

That is how damaging and deadly it is.

I have friends who used to be very closed to me and now we became complete strangers. 

Well, I'm not surprised but I feel rather disappointed.

When we meet up, we hardly had anything much to say.

I asked myself this funny question, is it because both of us are attached and in the presence of our partners, it seem that we both have this invisible barrier that pretend us from having a simple conversation?

Their blog was closed and probably they might had shifted to use tumblr in expressing their thoughts. I feel disconnected but there is nothing much that I could do. So I guess I had been officially shut off from her world.

Such a pity.

Other thing that I came to realised was that the person you used to love, you didn't really get close to her even after  you have given up on her. The funny fact is that you get closer to her friend instead. Weird.

Anyway, adulthood just tied me down with more responsibilities and with the army officer's rank on my chest, everyone is treating me differently. Most of it were rather bad. Hahaha, anyway I just took their comments and take it as pointers in improving myself. 

After I became an army officer, most of friends have more expectation on me, more hostile and direct towards me. It made me speechless and sometimes, I wished I could have the courage to just stop them from going further.

I guess they have no clues about what I am doing.

Apparently, sometimes at a certain point, we were so fixated by the things ahead of us, and we simply forgot about the reasons why we were doing it at the first place. My point here is to learn to check back and don't be so fixated with the things ahead of us. Take time to process it and you will have a better learning journey in pursuing whatever is ahead of you.  

   

Over due one month ago...

Now I'm sitting down on my bed, using my brother's laptop to blog about this stupid relationship...
My relationship was so screwed up, that I decided to seal myself off with the world for a month maybe more...
I'm still not sure how long will it take but I guess, it's gonna take quite sometime, a really long period...

I'm utterly sad about this breakup but I guess there's nothing left for me to fight for it...

Part of the breakfall in my relationship was a simple test that I had plotted to test you.
Eventually, the result was kinda of expected but yet I was still hoping that there will be a change in the result.

I initiated a break up with you and wanted to see you reaction.
The result was, well in fact, dissappointing,
first you wanted the relationship back but gradually, you just let it go without a fight...
How I wished you could bug me a little longer...

The Ugly truth,
A simple test,
Not much resistance,
Pufffff...
It was all long gone...

I felt that I was not worth for you to fight for me...
Not a single bit to you...
You may cry and said you love me, but I guess it's compaionship that you were looking for...
Comfort, protection...
I felt pathetic, utterly sad and I simply have no rooms to express myself with...
No one was there and I was like a living dead...
It's seem unfair, really unfair...

How I fought for you and how you fought for me,
It really hit hard on me everytime I think about it...

Many will find this it's stupid to test...
But you ain't in my shoes...
I give what you need.

My instinct was already predicting that there was someone else in the picture...
Well, It's slapped me hard yet again...

Before betrayal steps in,
I stepped out it...

My mind keep repeating this same verse again and again...
When you go, would you even turn to say
"I still love you"?

But the answer you gave was,
"I don't love you like I did yesterday"

Dont feel pressurized,
cause I know how you actually feel,
if things can't worked out,
It's my fault to test your faith...
I guess I don't really worth your time and effort.
You were strong...
And I'm sorry...

Goodbye Yeobo...
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My aching heart...
While my heart keep cutting itself,
Memories were like nightmare each night...
They hunt me to sleep...
As my tears will keep on running,
The pain have never stopped...
Till the daylight shined,
I cried asleep...

It's definitely hard to swallow my own tears ...
But it's been worthwhile and yet again I was presented wortheless, unvalued.

Dear God, it's painful me now,
I wished you could send someone over to help me out now...
Guess I have to do it alone..

It's over... 9.27pm
Dead...

Was it intended...??

Pillow talk , indeed was interesting...

It made me realise that when the things that you used to have disappear,

you will then tend to cherish it...

When you lose it, you miss it, and you want it back...

delibrately, i lose it...

getting back, filled with different kind of emotion involved

grow stronger, be immune to this feeling...

we could simply lie on the pillow, looking at each other and start talking

but it will never happened that way....

Ukulele

I need an ukulele and start to learn how to play it.

Oh well, it's kinda of suck to feel like this.

If you choose not to talk, I can't do anything either.

Cause I played my part and I don't know what you were thinking.

If avoiding makes you feel better, then I'm truly sorry, cause I don't like to play "mind game" either.

I start to get paranoid about Your "Friend" and whatsoever...

Indeed of their influences.

Hope "July" will come really soon so I could recourse and get back my training back asap.

I kinda of stuck here with nothing to look forward to.

Iron face

I guess, it was easy to forget the past for you than to dwell within it...

I was really impressed and maybe my instinct was right afterall...

Blocked and I understand...

Goodbye, Iron lady...

Non-stop

Still staring...

I closed the chapter.

In the last chapter, I stared at the post for quite sometime.
And certainly, it's not just a post that could just explain the thoughts and the reason behind.

It's not easy explaining.
So I kept staring at it.

Once more into the fray...
Into the last good fight I'll ever know...
Live or die on this day...
Live or die on this day...

Other year of Christmas

Maybe everyone start to lead our own life,
everyone had their our Plan and stuff.
Everyone became busy...

I wasn't really bothered that I don't have plans or any event to attend to...

I thanked my bros that asked me out for party,movies and some other event,
but I'm really tired and I didn't really want to party to make myself tire out...

The weather was so cooling which make me really tired and sleepy...
Days in army were starting to get really demanding on my physical and mental strength.
I know that I'm getting stronger every single day, but I'm getting really tired at the same time. More Exhaustion that I went through and more pain was involved during training.

Time were short and yes I missed you.
I felt numb at the same time, or other words, I get used to it of you not being around me. Not because I'm tired but there were too many things on hand that I have to deal with every single day. Have faith in me...

Love Involved many things about effort and sincerely that comes from the bottom of the lover hearts.

You can make things for your loved one, you can even buy them the things they want.

Many people felt that buying things that involved money doesn't show much effort and sincerity in it. I felt that it was wrong to have that mindset, to me ,I earn my money through my blood,sweat and tears, literally and it show how difficult it was to get those money to buy stuff for your loved one. A simple cup of coffee that cost about 5 bucks, I don't know why, but I felt really good to afford that cup of coffee cause I earn it through the hardship I went through shit in my training to get the coffee. I felt really sincerity or rather great :D

Learn to appreciate the things around you, if one day you did not, probably that would be your last to do so...

Merry Christmas ! This is a punishment from Yeo bo, this is so taxing, please!

Still going, and it's growing strong.

This was supposed to be a post for you,
to tell you how awesome you have been in my life,
About how life had been so tough for me,
The moment I thought of you,
It just gave me all the strength needed to complete what I have to do.

Sorry Bo, I only have time limits on tying this post.
Sorry for the short time we spend together,
I hope you understand that I'm always looking for time to be with you.
Happy 11th!

Be strong and don't cry during your first flight, Fighting :D, I will always be there!

Go eat shit and die

Confined in Ocs for three weeks, make me miss the people around me.
No wonder they said, bond between your family, friends and your loved one became stronger.

I was no expectional.
I find that I became more tolerance than the usual me.

During one of the running occasion, I suddenly have the urge to became a elite team of soldiers, that goes to the front line first. "Commando".

Many had thought that I'm out of my mind, crazy and insane but yet I wasn't given my opportunity to share my reason behind my thoughts.

Well, it's just me.
I wanted to challenge myself to my limits.

Beyond my limits, beyond my boundaries.


A best friend,
A lover,
A hater,
A loan shark.

I defined it as you.

I miss you alot, though.
My heart sanked when you called, and sobbed on the phone.
Through the phone calling, I find myself hopeless and helpless.
Not being there for you when you needed me. Helplessly, I went through that awful commerical.

I wished I was there beside you,
hugging you tight,
Wiping those tears,
comforting you in many ways if possible,
and comfort you to sleep.

Thanks for taking my advice for going to see the dentist,
if not I will be in misery knowing that you are in pain,
but yet I couldn't do anything to relieve your pain.

You know how it feels,
it just feel awfully terrible.

I cherish, the time with you.

PS: Time is short, that why,
let's fight more as best friend,
Love one another as lovers,
Hate every stupid things we do,
and loan shark I can't think of any.

Good enough?

Love of my life

It put me back to thoughts about how I treat you.
How to be a good boyfriend?
I defined it, somehow the bad points were just so dominating over the good ones.

Love of my life, you hurt me,
You broken my heart, now you leave me.

Love of my life cant you see,
Bring it back bring it back,
Dont take it away from me,
Because you dont know what it means to me.

Love of my life dont leave me,
Youve stolen my love now desert me,

Love of my life cant you see,
Bring it back bring it back,
Dont take it away from me,
Because you dont know what it means to me.

You will remember when this is blown over,
And everythings all by the way,
When I grow older,
I will be there by your side,
To remind how I still love you
I still love you.

Hurry back hurry back,
Dont take it away from me,
Because you dont know what it means to me.

Love of my life,
Love of my life.

Sign, sigh...

If the following 9 months, the military offered me a contract to stay in, I will simply sign it.

What's wrong?
Look at the mess, will you?

Troubled soul, I see "I don't really care attitude", you wasn't in my shoes.

it was a childhood dream that came true...

Great early afternoon with a girl finding fault with me...
Haha seriously I was hoping for that when I was single and it just hit me now.
No reason just fight to your heart content.

Pushed away, that feeling just suck,
It simply hurts.
While those words struck in your mouth, you couldn't express.
Both were on fires, lets need not make it any worse.

Time is so precious make good use of it....

A rival,

A kid.


Did you know how much it hurts, but still I walk alone back home with the loaded bag.
I wondered.
The book I read, the story behind the story.
Original story hides secrets within it.

Does life really needed to be that complex?

Been busy running in circles...

Brown and white, The Ri and Ko clan.

And this is a pretty awesome piece of Gun-dam. Mobile suit :D

Like a fierce only.

And I felt that she inherit her genes in me, the whole afternoon from Saturday to Sunday, I had been sleeping. I guess I'm so bloody tired.
It feel good hanging and running around her in circles. I felt like a lost kid, while she was like a mother, bringing me around.

I was supposed to be a leader, but in the civilian world, I'm just a lost kid.

Anyway, having photo with words seems to be much more interactive. I was inspired by POETIC JUSTICE.

HELLO PEOPLE, I'm GOING TO POP this Saturday. Bitter to say goodbye to good friends, Sweet only to have those assholes and idiots out of my sight.

Bittersweet, I bear goodbye.
Remember the good times but throw away the bad times.

Please check out this two song,
The script -For the first time.
Adele- Someone like you.

Shortcoming

The things I didn't have, I tried to find ways to patch it up.
At least I know what's wrong and I choose to work it out and work to find the methods to solve it.

Knockout and the thinking brain.

P.S. I LOVE YOU.
Thanks Yeo bo.

timid.

I'm being pushed to the edges as usual,
the mind just flowing with thoughts.
There's no traffic, it just kept going.

At the edges of the road,
now my bunk seem to be my only sanctuary.
No one knows what's going on in that island.
At least I could spend sometime there quietly...

I don't understand either and it seem so stupid just to step on the mine on purpose.

Koboom!!!!
and now...

I'm simply so dead,
I'm really dead.

P.S I LOVE YOU

Thanks for searching for the book all over the place, thanks for having the thoughts.
Her little thoughts and remembering every some little detail make me feel so much for her.

I watched her walk away.

The sky turned darker and my feeling goes along with it.
Because I know the day was gonna end and tomorrow is coming.

I watched her walk up the stairs,
The sour feeling hits me so badly.

The heart felt so bad, it feels like it was soaked inside a glass of lemon juice.
That sour sour feeling, I wonder have you ever been through that kind of feeling.

I guess, Yeo bo learned to be tougher during each departure.
It made her strong, but as for me, I was totally ruined because I'm so engrossed with each meeting with her while departure makes me felt so powerless.



While this song kept in my head,
Wish you were here.

"I can be tough
I can be strong
But with you, It's not like that at all

Theres a girl who gives a shit
Behind this wall
You just walk through it


[refrain]
And I remember all those crazy thing you said
You left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

All those crazy things we did
Didn't think about it just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

[chorus]
Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Here, Here, Here
I wish you were here

Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Near, Near, Near
I wish you were here.



I love the way you are
It's who I am don't have to try hard
We always say, Say like it is
And the truth is that I really miss

All those crazy thing you said
You left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

All those crazy things we did
Didn't think about it just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

[chorus]
Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Here, Here, Here
I wish you were here

Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Near, Near, Near
I wish you were here.

[bridge]
No, I don't wanna let go
I just wanna let you know
That I never wanna let go
Let go, Oh, Oh,

No, I don't wanna let go
I just wanna let you know
That I never wanna let go
Let go, Let go, Let go...

[chorus]
Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Here, Here, Here
I wish you were here

Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Near, Near, Near
I wish you were here."